The Results Are In

Today we had our appointment. With less and less morning sickness in the last week, I had struggled mentally for the last several days. So, I was very glad to go in for some reassurance.

I was nervous, but the nurse decided to take my blood pressure at the beginning any way. Surprisingly, it wasn't too bad...for me. The doctor said she would get straight to the doppler then we could talk. I told her I didn't have any questions because all I needed was reassurance for another week. She tried the doppler first and thought she found the heart beat but said my heart rate was too high again to be sure. I was surprised to hear this because I actually thought my heart rate felt normal. She wheeled in the machine and I got another look at the baby. Today showed a very active mover and shaker, which felt like a relief since last week there was hardly any movement.

Afterward, Dr. L shared that the harmony genetic test results were in. The next part, was life-changing.

The results were abnormal. My first reaction was to demand to know why she had just bothered to show me the baby. She explained that the baby has trisomy 21, Down syndrome, and that it's not fatal. She wanted me to see that everything was still ok. I expressed that this outcome seemed crazy after everything else we've endured. Her reaction was something to the effect of, "I know. What the fu*k."

I asked the few questions I could come up with off the top of my head.  I asked to know whether the baby is a girl our boy. I asked for literature to feed what I'm sure will be an insatiable quest for knowledge.

What I didn't do was cry. I still have a living baby. Certainly, our previous experiences have given us a healthy dose of perspective to know that things could be much worse.

And on some level, I wasn't surprised. For the first time with any pregnancy I was nervous for the results of the test. Also, I read last week on Harmony's site that the results take 7 days. Monday night at dinner (the 7 day mark) I said to Troy, "What if she got the results but didn't call because something is wrong?" Rather than saying that was silly, Troy seemed to agree that that was a possibility. As it turns out, Dr. L received the results in the same hour as this conversation. She decided to wait until our appointment the next day so she could share the news in person.

I said last week that soon we would know more about who was growing inside of me. And now we know there is a little boy and there's a 99+% chance that he has Down syndrome.