In all this focus on Will, Olivia is not forgotten. Ella, especially, continues to remember and honor Olivia as her sister and as a member of our family.
With the end of the school year, both girls brought home portfolios containing their work from the year. I leafed through, interested in what they'd done and once again amazed that these books have become the norm each year.
I came across a family portrait from December in Ella's book. Ella's drawing had Ella, Lily, Mommy, Daddy, and Olivia. My heart melted.
She also enjoys counting how many boys and girls are in our family. Always, Olivia is included.
This week, Ella asked to hold Olivia in her "bottle". We got her down from Troy's dresser and sat with her. Then Ella decided we should read Olivia's book from the hospital to her and we did. Next she wanted to let Olivia spend time with the pink bear from the hospital. This led to looking through all of Olivia'a belongings, and when Ella found the bunting Troy and I had held Olivia in, she placed Olivia'a urn there. Finally, Ella placed Olivia back in the heart shaped case, satisfied that we'd spent our time with her.
Over the last nine years, I've had eight pregnancies. Two ended in the births of my daughters, Lily (8) and Ella (5). Five have ended in losses between 5 and 16 weeks. Chemical pregnancy, miscarriage, missed miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, and late miscarriage are all part of my history. Finally, my 8th and final pregnancy, brought us our baby boy, Will, who has Down syndrome. With the loss of Olivia at 16 weeks on October 5, 2014, I turned to writing as a way to work through the challenges.
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