Candles (Irrational 2)

January 24, 2015

Another irrational connection I’ve made deals with jar candles I receive as gifts. When we found out we lost Olivia, I decided we would participate in a candle lighting ceremony on October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Troy and I went to the store and picked a candle out for her. But we also wanted to remember our other 4 babies that night, so we used the four jar candles I’ve received as gifts from students over the years. This year, I was relieved to not get another candle for Christmas. I don’t want a candle waiting for me to use it for another loss. But when I returned from break, there it was wrapped in cellophane with a sparkly ribbon tied around the top: a jar candle in my mailbox. A late gift from a student. I wrote a thank you note as I usually do, but I couldn’t bring myself to unwrap it. Or take it home. After it sat on my desk for a few days, I decided I should just give it away. I asked a friend at school to take the candle for me after explaining my irrational desire to never bring another jar candle into my house until our family is complete.