Irrational 1

January 24, 2015

After experiencing multiple losses, there are some things I’ve become a bit irrational about. I know they’re irrational, however at this point, I just don’t care. I’m willing to be a bit irrational if it means I feel like I have some control in this infuriatingly-out-of-my-control situation. If it makes me feel like I’m doing something different.

So in honor of being irrational, I will not attend another Leadership Academy until I am done having children. I don’t go to this annual professional development opportunity every year, but I’ve signed up for it in the spring and gone on to lose two babies (who weren't even conceived until the summer) during leadership academy or in the same week as it in August. I went this summer when I was 8 weeks pregnant (again, conceived after registering). It made me a bit nervous being there, but I told myself it was silly to think the losses had anything to do with attending. It was just coincidence. But then I lost Olivia 8 weeks later. Irrational connection? Yes. Do I care? Nope. I can go again when there is no chance I'll be pregnant.