First Loss Milestone

March 11, 2015

Today I am 5 weeks and 4 days and therefore I have made it to my first loss milestone. The next one is at 6.5 weeks when my ectopic ruptured. We will know this Friday at 5 weeks 6 days if this baby is in my uterus. From what I've read we should also be able to see a heartbeat. I'm worried we won't see one and I'll be left to worry all spring break (and Olivia's due date) about what is going on.

There are times when I feel optimistic and then there are times when I don't. A week and a half ago, just days after finding out I was pregnant, I lost control of my emotions and took several pregnancy tests so I could compare their darkness to my earlier tests. When they weren't as dark as I'd hoped, I started spiraling into more and more worry.

Last Sunday, I had a moment when I realized I felt calm and pretty confident. I had shared about the pregnancy on my blog and knew many people had us in their thoughts and prayers. I wondered if that support was helping me get through.

Today I wore a pad all day because I woke up convinced that I would start bleeding.

The pendulum swings erratically and to extremes. Hopefully there will be reassuring news on Friday so it will swing back to the positive for a while.