What They Don't Know

February 13, 2015
Tonight Ella overheard me telling my mother in law about another mom who has lost three babies in the last year.

“I’m glad we’ve only lost one baby,” Ella reflected. “But I wish she was still here.”

“I do too,” I wistfully agreed.

“But she’ll always be with us,” she continued.

Ella’s musings about Olivia brought joy to my heart and I leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. It also resulted in a knowing look between my mother in law and me since I’ve actually lost five babies. Lily and Ella don’t know about our other losses though. One was before Lily, so it makes sense that they don’t know about that baby. I actually had Lily announce our third pregnancy to Troy, but when it ended a few weeks later, we just stopped talking about it and since she was only two, it just faded out of her memory. The next two we kept from them out of fear from the previous losses. They too ended early so we never had the chance to be “in the clear” and tell them. This is the only loss they know about, and for now, what they don’t know won’t hurt them.