At this point, most days are mostly ok. But today was a hard day. It began with a staff meeting, which I dreaded last month because I felt so conspicuous having just returned to work. This time, I was more worried about the visual of a very pregnant co-worker, but I had a plan. I sat off to the far side and behind a bookshelf so I would be able to avoid the visual. As it turned out, I ended up right in the midst of the hubbub caused by a new mom returning from maternity leave and two gift bags plastered with BABY on them to be presented to new parents. I leaned over to my co-worker and, panicked, told her I was not in a good seat after all.
But the meeting was about to start and I was stuck. Or so I thought. The next thing I knew, my assistant principal came and said, “Let’s talk.” She had noticed the distressing situation and wanted to give me a chance to get out. Thank goodness. As soon as we left the room, the tears came. There are so many times that my emotions are JUST barely kept in check. And then something happens, and BOOM! I can’t keep it in any longer.
I got myself together, listened to the rest of the meeting from the hallway, and then went to my classroom to destress a bit by texting with another mom who “gets it.” We met at our support group and she was available to “talk” right when I needed her.
I’m thankful for a compassionate boss who saw the situation and got me out before it escalated. I’m thankful that she checked on me several more times today and offered to give me a break if I needed it. And I’m thankful, too, for the support system I am building within the community of baby loss. I just wish I weren’t in the position of needing these things.
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