Winter

November 14, 2014

I’m just dreading winter. I was supposed to have somethingone to look forward to to make dealing with the winter all worth while this year. What does unbearable cold and snow matter when you have a baby coming right on the other side? Instead, the cold temperatures have already come and Thanksgiving and Christmas are hot on its heels and I can barely accept it. I just wish my world hadn’t all changed on October 2nd. I wish I still had my baby to look forward to. I wish I were still excited and happy and actually looking forward to the winter since it would mean I was that much closer to meeting Olivia. I just don’t know how I am supposed to keep recovering from the disappointment each time I get my hopes up about a baby. Especially this time when it actually looked like it was going to all work out. Statistics say that the chances of losing Olivia at the point that we did was 1.6%. What the hell?!? Why do I keep hitting all the absolutely unlikely and absolutely awful odds?