Trees

November 17th, 2014

When you were born, the leaves were still green on the trees. During my weeks of intense mourning, they turned their colors and fell. Now, just six weeks later, they are sagging in heavy, wet snow. The trees are intent on marching on.

(Olivia's tree in the first snow of the season, just a week after the tree was planted.)

I realized that the season changed without me about two weeks after you died.  I didn’t want to miss it entirely, so I asked Nana to go out to the woods during her lunch break so I could see and possibly appreciate the colors of autumn before they passed without me.  We did just that. I took pictures of several pretty trees but even by then many had lost their leaves.  

Over the next few weeks, I continued to look for trees that still carried their colors.  I would snap some pictures in a parking lot or while walking the neighborhood for Trick or Treat.  I wanted to make sure to live this season and see it for its beauty even though I was grieving.  It felt like I had to really live this time of year so that it didn’t just slip away.

Trees have become important in my journey of remembering you.  We have planted a Crimson King Maple tree in our front yard to remember you.  Your ceremony will be held around your tree this Sunday.

Lily and I created collage trees side by side a few weekends ago. It was Lily’s idea to make a fall tree with pictures cut from magazines. I saw this as an opportunity to experiment with the idea that you were supposed to be born in Spring but instead came in the Fall.  I made a collage tree that was half green leaved with blossoms and half red, yellow and orange leaved. 

 This led to another tree created out of legos. This tree also carries two seasons of leaves.

My next project will also involve trees.  I am going to create a tree drawn with words. Half of the tree will have the words from Light and will be written on the Spring side with blossoms of color. The Fall half of the tree will be made of the words from Dark. On this side, I will use bare branches.

(Here it is finished now.)

Over the year, I plan to take pictures of your tree in the different seasons.  I will frame a collage of the tree in its first year: fall, winter, spring, summer. This will be in place of the first year photos I would have taken of you.