Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Teddy Bears

December 10, 2014


They say a grieving mother’s arms physically ache from the desire to hold her baby. So, when the chaplain came to speak with us in the hospital she brought a teddy bear. I held it through our conversation, but after that I decided it would be nice to give it to the girls as a keepsake from Olivia.


Except within days I was longing to have it back. I asked several times, but Lily had already staked her claim and had no intention of giving it back. Then one night a few weeks later, I was putting Lily and Ella to bed. As I rubbed their backs, my mind wandered to an image that would never be: rubbing three girls’, Lily’s Ella’s and Olivia’s, backs as I put my daughters to bed. Quiet tears followed.


Lily, noticed my tears and knowingly handed me the bear. The next morning, she enlisted the help of her grandpa and fixed a small hole in the bear’s armpit then gave it back to me. She has never again asked to have it back and I’ve slept with it in my arms since.

I was amazed and so proud by Lily’s maturity in this instance, so I thanked her in the days that followed. Ella overheard my gratitude and wanted to give me a bear as well. That bear now sits with Olivia.

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