October 21, 2014
Five days separate my birthday from the day we learned your heart had stopped. On that day, much of my celebrating revolved around you. My present was a Snoogle pregnancy pillow to support my growing belly. When Daddy and I went out to dinner, we spent the first part of our date shopping for clothes for you. We picked out adorable baby girl fashions for spring and summer. Giraffes, stripes, flamingos. Dinner was at The Melting Pot. I carefully timed how long I cooked each piece of meat to avoid any sort of bacteria that could harm you. This was a night of great happiness for us. We imagined our family complete in just a few month's time.
Five days separate my birthday from the day we learned your heart had stopped. On that day, much of my celebrating revolved around you. My present was a Snoogle pregnancy pillow to support my growing belly. When Daddy and I went out to dinner, we spent the first part of our date shopping for clothes for you. We picked out adorable baby girl fashions for spring and summer. Giraffes, stripes, flamingos. Dinner was at The Melting Pot. I carefully timed how long I cooked each piece of meat to avoid any sort of bacteria that could harm you. This was a night of great happiness for us. We imagined our family complete in just a few month's time.
Five days is all that separates the happy time of my birthday and the awful day of my 16 week appointment. Now we wonder if you were even alive on my birthday as we happily incorporated you into our celebration. It's very possible you weren't. You had measured several days ahead on your last few ultrasounds. So if you were measuring 16 weeks after death, it is likely that you died right around my birthday.
It's sad to think about us happily going about our business and not knowing. But maybe it doesn't matter. We celebrated with you. You were part of the day and that made it better.
I love you Olivia.
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